Chapter 1: A Wake-Up Call

This morning, I stepped onto the scale out of sheer curiosity, and the number that flashed back at me was 298.3 lbs. Ouch. This serves as a timely reminder of the state of my life.

I need to get back into the habit of journaling—ideally daily—and start living with intention instead of just drifting through life. I’ve been coasting too long, oversleeping and indulging in binge-watching everything on TV.

First things first, I should structure this post; otherwise, it will likely turn into a melodrama, full of exaggerations. Now, let’s dive into the key points.

Looking in the mirror today, I was struck by my appearance: I sport a wild beard and hair reminiscent of a character from a Scottish novel, paired with a physique that resembles a university dropout who spends his days gaming and relying on government assistance. This has to change. I’ve let myself go, both mentally and physically, and my kids deserve a better father, just as my wife deserves a more present husband. We all deserve a more harmonious home. So, where do I go from here?

Just twelve hours later, I weighed myself again, and it showed 291.8 lbs. Weight does fluctuate throughout the day, and I typically see a variation of around five pounds, so it’s not alarming. Yet, standing at six feet tall and nearing the 300-pound mark is concerning.

Life feels chaotic right now, and it's crucial that I focus on getting it under control. This journey begins with self-care, being mindful of what I consume—both physically and mentally—and what I express.

Step One: Control My Diet

I aim to keep my caloric intake below 2,000 calories. This can be challenging. My body has a remarkable ability to adapt, which means if I restrict calories too much, my metabolism will adjust, and I’ll end up needing that same amount just to maintain my weight. Moreover, I can easily consume 2,000 calories within a few hours, thanks to a lifetime of quick meals during busy work seasons.

I need to adopt a more consistent approach to my eating habits. While intermittent fasting works wonders for some, for me, it could lead to binge eating in a single sitting, followed by a cranky rest of the day.

Step Two: Get Moving

Using apps like Fitbit helps me stay aware of my health metrics. I currently wear a Charge 4, which tracks my heart rate, activity levels, and even my sleep patterns. Additionally, MapMyRun is a great tool for keeping track of my workouts, especially when I’m out with the stroller.

I need to return to the fitness levels I maintained five years ago. It will be a long road to jog 5 km without stopping again. Right now, I can only jog for a few hundred meters before I need to catch my breath.

My previous records included a 200 lbs bench press, a 400 lbs deadlift, and 320 lbs squats. Currently, I’m at 100 lbs for five reps on the bench, 250 lbs for five on deadlifts, and I’ve dropped to 120 lbs on squats. I lost my way while focusing on my family and neglected my own health.

Now, I find myself battling feelings of self-doubt and anxiety. I need to prioritize my well-being before it spirals out of control. My goal isn’t to become a bodybuilder, but rather to develop a strong, robust physique.

While addressing my physical health, I must also nurture my emotional well-being. This means journaling, exploring AL-ANON or other self-care practices, and carving out time for myself amidst my responsibilities as a father.

Step Three: Dedicate Time for Self-Care

I prefer traditional journaling over online platforms, so I’ll likely stick with pen and paper or coded files on my laptop.

Additionally, I’m a licensed CPA in British Columbia, and I’ve only been meeting the bare minimum requirements in my career. I need to elevate my professional game, as this is crucial for our financial stability moving forward.

That’s the plan. Now, I think I’ll check on the coffee pot and get started on this journey...

Duke.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change