Chapter 1: A Confession of Jealousy

Admitting jealousy can be one of the toughest truths to face.

When I received a message from my closest friend sharing the news of her new job, it felt like my heart was breaking. Despite the pain, I responded enthusiastically, saying, "Congratulations, babe," along with several heart emojis.

Some may view this as hypocritical or even think I'm a terrible friend. You might believe she should distance herself from me since I can’t seem to share in her joy. I completely understand that perspective.

I've wrestled with feelings of envy, burdened by guilt for not being able to celebrate her achievements without reservation. Today, I acknowledge my jealousy of my best friend's accomplishments, and I recognize that this feeling is valid.

We both work in the same industry, equipped with similar qualifications; she has secured her desired job while I’ve been unemployed and struggling for over a year. Does this make me a bad person for feeling down about my situation, or is it simply a reflection of my humanity?

The guilt of feeling envious of my friend's success has weighed heavily on me, and I’ve been too hard on myself for experiencing an emotion that I can't easily control. I recall a few years back when she excelled academically while I barely scraped by. The disappointment was overwhelming. During a therapy session, I mustered the courage to share my feelings.

The therapist asked, “How did you respond to this emotion? Did you lash out at her, destroy her notes, or discourage her from studying?” I admitted that I didn’t react negatively; instead, I overcompensated with gifts and treated her to a celebratory dinner.

He pointed out that if I wasn't sabotaging her success because of my feelings, then why was I punishing myself for experiencing them? Jealousy and the actions stemming from it are two distinct matters.

At that moment, I comprehended this concept, but as time passed, the clarity faded.

As I sit here now, torn between self-recrimination for feeling jealous or pitying myself for my lack of career progress, I choose to simply acknowledge my emotions—be it jealousy, anger, or sadness—without allowing guilt to overshadow them.

Emotions themselves aren’t inherently good or bad; they arise naturally as our bodies react to various situations. Labeling emotions as negative grants them more power. Society teaches us to suppress undesirable feelings, yet that’s an unrealistic expectation.

We all experience anger, sadness, anxiety, and even jealousy, but few are willing to admit it. What truly defines us is not the emotions we feel but rather how we manage them.

For me, embracing my emotions without the weight of shame has been liberating. It feels empowering to release the need for perfection, even in my feelings. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I encourage you to give yourself permission to feel. Embrace your emotions instead of trying to suppress them. When we allow ourselves to experience our feelings without embarrassment or guilt, we pave the way for healing and growth.

Chapter 2: Understanding Jealousy in Friendships

In the video "Why do I get jealous of my friend having other friends?", the speaker explores the roots of jealousy in friendships and offers insights on how to navigate these feelings.

The second video, "How To STOP being JEALOUS of your friends," provides practical advice on overcoming jealousy and fostering healthier relationships.