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The Rise of the Self-Proclaimed AI Gurus: A Satirical Take

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Chapter 1: The Self-Improvement Craze

Let’s face it: I’ve given up on all that self-betterment fluff. The idea of conquering past trauma, enhancing my self-esteem, achieving a balanced life, or transforming into a superhuman version of myself has lost its charm.

Why this change of heart? During the pandemic, it seems like everyone transitioned into a self-help expert overnight. Forget about vaccines; they must have been ingesting some sort of enlightening pills, akin to Neo downloading martial arts in “The Matrix.”

It’s as if every individual has turned into a bio-hacking Zen master ninja without ever stepping onto a dojo floor. Move over, Ip Man; we now have digital warriors tackling life’s challenges with the power of life hacks. I feel so over-hacked that I resemble the Black Knight from Monty Python’s Holy Grail—minus the limbs.

Imagine spending five hours each morning striving for self-optimization and another four hours at night manifesting my ideal existence. If all goes well, by next year, I’ll be living on a ‘New Earth’, free from my physical form, and a crypto-content mogul saving the world during coffee breaks. Who really needs a body when you’re reaching new heights?

What’s even more surprising is the dramatic increase in writing skills among the masses. Suddenly, everyone appears to be crafting prose that would make even Hemingway envious, flooding the internet with their literary masterpieces. It’s uplifting to witness such a rapid rise in literacy.

I might even throw in a few grammatical errors just to keep things authentic.

In this fast-paced, AI-driven world, I’ve found myself crafting phrases like ChatGPT, trying to grasp those robotic subtleties. I’m diving deep into binary code to find joy in algorithmic euphoria.

This is the new reality—becoming a top-notch writer without ever putting pen to paper. How’s that for efficiency, Tim Ferriss?

When it comes to finances, I’ve now juggled 16 side hustles alongside my main job because multiple income streams are a necessity these days. I’ll be quietly quitting from afar before they even realize it.

If I could somehow eliminate the need for sleep, I’d happily squeeze in a few more hobbies. I could connect with my true passions and monetize them like a ‘Wall Street Wizard’. Imagine getting paid for simply existing—what a brilliant idea!

So there you have it, folks. God bless the internet; everyone’s an expert, and life has become a series of well-crafted electric daydreams.

Written by someone who may or may not be DJ Hopkins.

Authors Notes:

(yep)

informal. : yes. Or a phrase that suggests this could have been penned by AI, or maybe I’m just pretending to be AI. Who can really tell, right?

That one’s for you R C Hammond.

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