Understanding Marriage as a Dynamic Journey

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

And they lived happily ever after.

This charming fairy tale is something we often share with children, neatly tied up in a bow. We try to preserve their innocence for as long as we can, but the reality of marriage is quite different. For a union to endure, it demands substantial effort from both partners. After nearly eight years in this endeavor, here are my reflections on the nature of marriage.

The dating phase is akin to a lease with an option to buy. Once you convince your partner to commit to the long-term relationship, it's essential to demonstrate that the investment is worthwhile year after year. From the moment you start pursuing your beloved to your last breath, consider yourself engaged in a lifelong marketing campaign.

Yes, legally, you are tied to your partner after marriage, but the reality is that you cannot simply kick back and expect your spouse to take care of everything while looking fabulous. This is the modern era, my friend. If you think it’s acceptable to be the sole provider and rule your domain when you come home, you may need to rethink that notion.

Your role in this partnership revolves around proving you are the best choice for supporting your family. If your love language is acts of service, this becomes even clearer. If you slip up, you’ll certainly know about it—quickly! Fortunately, you do receive a few allowances, unless you make serious mistakes, such as infidelity or abuse. Avoid those pitfalls, and you’ll keep your position.

You wear many hats in this partnership: you are the House Elf, the butler, the chauffeur, and the manager of the kids’ activities. You also handle parties, takeout, and the occasional massage. Plus, you're a role model for your children, shaping their understanding of what a successful adult looks like. They take cues from you both in and out of school.

On top of all that, there’s an annual performance review—your wedding anniversary.

What you’ve just read outlines what I perceive as the job description of marriage. It’s not easy, nor is it glamorous. The hours can be lengthy, and the rewards may seem minimal. However, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. If you’ve been married for some time, I hope you share my happiness. If not, you still have the opportunity to refine your approach and enhance your relationship strategy.

Marriage isn’t solely about feelings; it’s fundamentally about action. You must continue to advocate for yourself as the right person for this lifelong commitment.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a mess on aisle three I need to tackle!