Chapter 1: The Invitation

Some years ago, I received an invitation from my undergraduate institution, Harpur College at Binghamton University, to deliver a lecture on screenwriting.

"To be honest," the dean warned me, "the Cinema students might not show up. They tend to view UCLA as overly commercial," he explained, "favoring artistic expressions like filmic tone poems, with a focus on shadow, texture, and the manipulation of time and space. They are skeptical of conventional storytelling elements such as narrative, character development, and dialogue."

It's wise to be cautious of any institution that uses the term 'Cinema.' What's wrong with 'film' or 'movies'?

"Don't fret," the dean assured me. "There's significant interest from English majors and others across campus. We anticipate a full house."

He then inquired, "What will your talk be titled?"

Until that moment, I had spoken to various writing groups but had never framed a talk with a formal title. Playfully, I suggested, "Considering the Cinema students' perspective, let’s call it… Training Hacks and Whores for Hollywood."

Imagine my astonishment upon arriving at campus to find a large banner at the entrance announcing: "UCLA Screenwriting Professor speaks on 'Training Hacks and Whores for Hollywood.'"

In reality, writers could benefit from recognizing a bit of hack within themselves.

A hack is someone who consistently produces work, meeting deadlines for producers time after time. While some hacks may not merit praise, many esteemed writers also fall into this category, and it doesn't diminish their value.

Hackery and genius are not mutually exclusive.

Consider Shakespeare—if he were alive today, he would likely be crafting content for television and streaming platforms. It would undoubtedly be exceptional work because he was a remarkable talent.

Yet, wasn't the Bard also a bit of a hack in his own right?

Achieving even the status of a hack is no small feat among professional writers.

The comparison between screenwriting and prostitution is also worth noting.

Both involve a financial transaction and a degree of simulated emotion. For prostitutes, engaging in a certain pretense is part of the job.

Unlike many academics, prostitutes can confidently assert that someone values their services.

Thus, as a screenwriter, don’t shy away from getting your hands dirty. Avoid thinking you are too refined to indulge in exploring the grittier aspects of human nature.

After all, isn't Medea responsible for the murder of her own children? Isn't Oedipus a prime example of flawed humanity? And isn’t Hamlet a quintessential complainer?

I've stated before: No one wants to watch The Village of the Happy Nice People.

Writers are encouraged to weave in a touch of the hack along with a sprinkling of the whore.

If you have inquiries about screenwriting, feel free to comment below, and I'll address them in future articles.

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