Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Image

"The most powerful force in human nature is the desire to remain consistent with our self-perception." — Tony Robbins

When encountering statements like this, I reflect through what I call the Three Gates.

Is it True? I can certainly recall instances in my life where I exceeded my self-image initially, only to falter when trying to replicate that success. This leads me to believe that my ego was strained and reverted to its "normal" state. Conversely, there have also been moments when I fell short of my self-image, prompting immediate actions to realign myself.

Is it Kind? If this notion holds, then we bear significant responsibility for the difficulties we face in life. Our relationships, careers, and health mirror our self-definitions. It’s simpler to act in ways that align with our self-image, and transforming that image can shift our values, beliefs, and behaviors. Provided we learn from our experiences and stay on a valid path, it seems we hasten our progress toward our aspirations. Encountering social challenges or hardships? Look to those who have triumphed over similar obstacles, and identify the parts of yourself that resonate with them—then refine your psyche to reflect that.

This concept may overwhelm individuals with a rigid identity, potentially explaining their existential discomfort, which they attribute to external circumstances: "They won't let me succeed." This belief numbs their pain, allowing them to ignore those who have succeeded, labeling them as fortunate or privileged. While such individuals do exist, consider this:

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH LESS THAN YOU WHO HAVE ACHIEVED MORE THAN YOU HAVE.

Is it "unkind" to encourage people to take books like "Psycho-Cybernetics" seriously? I believe it is not. The discomfort of ego pain pales in comparison to the profound despair of feeling like one has missed out on life, compounded by the "sunk cost fallacy," which hinders them from admitting: "Perhaps my self-image has held me back more than external factors."

This realization requires genuine strength and clarity. Is it rare? How many people do you know who are in fulfilling relationships, earn a good income doing what they love, and maintain their health? I propose that 99.99% of individuals yearn for such fulfillment but are not leveraging their potential to the fullest. To enact change, they would need to acknowledge their past mistakes and, at times, recognize that their families, friends, and social circles may also be mistaken. This realization implies that for you to thrive, you must risk the disapproval of those who console themselves with the belief that "it's impossible."

In essence: your success may bring shame to them. They may respond with hostility and rejection (because they fear life may be passing them by), leading to a loss of community. The outcome? The benefits of success conflict with the costs of losing friendships, love, and belonging.

WITHOUT COMMUNITY, WE STRUGGLE. Thus, individuals may hinder themselves not only to conform to their self-image but also to prevent discord within their social circles.

But is it true that this must be the outcome? Let's ask whether there are successful individuals who have emerged from humble beginnings without sacrificing their community, while also enhancing the joy within their relationships.

Indeed, such people exist. They leverage their success to support their families and uplift their communities. They build NEW COMMUNITIES, connecting with other like-minded individuals as they progress. Seek out one such person. Learn from them. Emulate their strategies.

Is it USEFUL? If the premise holds, then our behaviors aligning with our self-image is crucial—IF we can indeed shift that self-image.

Can we truly alter our self-image? I suggest the answer is "yes." While we cannot change our fundamental essence, few of us truly understand what that essence is. We identify with our names, roles, past experiences, emotions, and beliefs, but none of these truly define us. They are merely manifestations of how our "I" has interacted with the world. It would be a mistake to assume that these often fear-based reactions represent our essential selves.

We are like water. Whether in the form of steam, ice, or liquid, these are merely manifestations of water in specific contexts. The container is not the water, and YOU are not defined by your history, emotions, or thoughts. There exists a relationship between you and these aspects, but only through profound and ongoing inquiry can we uncover the essence of this connection.

Thus, the evidence suggests we can transform our identities and self-image. While we cannot change our fundamental being, the labels we apply to ourselves do not capture our true nature. This understanding grants us significant room for growth.

Basic human archetypes include warrior, healer, teacher, lover, and parent. We can embody all of these roles throughout our lives. While some individuals may specialize in one or two, we all have the capacity to step into various roles. We can become "stuck" in one, but we also have the ability to shift. To be like water, not bound to a particular form. We can pour ourselves into a new vessel and adopt that identity if it serves us well.

If I am correct, this idea passes the Three Gates of logic, history, and personal experience. The pressing question is: how can we test this theory?

Numerous practices, such as meditation, therapy, and dynamic movement, address this. FIREDANCE employs a blend of movement, intention, modeling, and emotional engagement to facilitate this process. Identify your desired goals, the destination for this chapter of your life.

Who are the individuals capable of achieving these goals? Study them to uncover their values, beliefs, and actions. What sacrifices did they make to become who they are? Determine if you are prepared to pay that price. If not, it is entirely valid to reassess your goals, but don't deceive yourself by claiming it was impossible.

Next, break down the actions into manageable steps that you can start today. Ensure you have "bite-sized" tasks in all three areas. For example: write one sentence, practice three Tibetan exercises, and journal for ten minutes. Engage in your FIREDANCE, utilizing the Tai Chi forms you have mastered. Put it on repeat if needed. While moving, go through the M.A.G.I.C. formula: express confidence and gratitude, visualize your mentors, and sense how today's actions lead you toward your desired destiny while steering you away from pain. Speak, feel, and visualize your new reality.

Move, breathe, smile, and maintain your posture as if you are the ideal blend of your role models, adeptly tackling today's challenges.

These seven steps are not exhaustive but serve as a solid framework for a process I follow six days a week. With minor adjustments to the models or intensity, I can cultivate any behavior I need. Our actions shape our self-image, as do our powerful visualizations of ourselves. What we vocalize with emotion also molds our self-perception.

Investing just 10–20 minutes daily can create a positive feedback loop between thought, action, and outcomes, a cycle that propels you, step by step, from stagnation to the life you envision.

I encourage you to experiment with developing such a program or joining ours at www.firedancetaichi.com.

You have nothing to lose except your pain and everything to gain, including a glimpse of your true self. You will recognize it when you feel the radiant warmth of your authentic being, your soul.

Namaste,

Steve

The first video titled "Change Your Self Image to Change Your Life" emphasizes the significant impact that altering your self-image can have on your overall existence. It explores the relationship between self-perception and life outcomes, illustrating practical strategies for transformation.

The second video, "Changing Your Beliefs: Self-Image/Self-Concept Review," provides insights into how our beliefs shape our self-image and the steps we can take to reshape these beliefs for a more fulfilling life.