Settle for More: Transform Your Life with Simple Changes
Written on
Chapter 1: The Cost of Settling for Less
Reflect on this one pivotal question daily: Are you truly satisfied with your current situation?
Many individuals find themselves accepting subpar romantic relationships for a variety of reasons. Factors such as fear, insecurity, low self-worth, immaturity, a scarcity mentality, ignorance, trauma, shame, and codependence often play a role. This leads them into unsatisfying connections with people who fail to meet their emotional needs or respect their boundaries.
However, instead of settling for less, consider this: What if you could strive for more?
Choosing to play small does not elevate others; lowering your standards will not enhance your self-esteem.
Section 1.1: The Influence of Childhood Experiences
Many of us accepted less than we deserved during our formative years due to various limitations—financial constraints, lack of attention, or inadequate support and love. As children, we often felt powerless, learning to make do with what we had.
While gratitude for what we possess is important, as adults, we generally have far more options. Unfortunately, many continue to leave opportunities unclaimed. They hesitate to ask for raises, advocate for themselves, express their needs, or establish boundaries, often thinking, "It's not a big deal," or "I can live without it."
But imagine how much better life could be if you embraced those opportunities.
Subsection 1.1.1: Discovering What You Truly Want
You may have noticed that the reasons behind settling for less are deeply personal. Often, the journey to finding your "more" starts with seeking assistance and facing these challenges directly.
In addition to therapy or coaching, I encourage you to ask yourself this essential question:
Am I completely satisfied with this situation?
Am I entirely content with this date, this relationship, this job, this meal, this purchase, or this experience? Not just 99% satisfied or thinking, "It's good enough."
The path to mediocrity and silent suffering is paved with such compromises. We should aim for a state of being that could not be improved upon—that should be our guiding principle.
If your answer is no, how can you change it? Can you express a reasonable request, set a boundary, or communicate your needs? Where can you find your "more"?
Section 1.2: Knowing When to Let Go
Sometimes, seeking your "more" means moving away from a person or situation. At other times, it may be possible to enhance the circumstances. Recognizing the difference is crucial because you can’t make someone hear you if they are not ready to listen.
Chapter 2: The Power of Simple Requests
For instance, earlier today, my wife mentioned, "This suitcase can go downstairs." I replied, "Could I share a preference? Instead of stating it can go downstairs, I would appreciate it if you asked me to take it downstairs." She smiled and responded, "Could you take this downstairs?" I gladly agreed. Just like that, our communication improved within seconds.
When she gives directives like, "This trash can go out," I sometimes feel a bit irritated. I interpret it as taking me for granted or being subtly controlling. Typically, I would dismiss it, thinking it's not a big deal, but today was different!
Notice that it didn’t require a lengthy discussion about feelings or past traumas—just a straightforward request devoid of blame or judgment. The effectiveness of a simple request is astonishing.
Magical Thinking: The Myth of Instant Gratification
I’m not implying that merely wishing for more will magically bring it into your life. There are numerous things I desire that may remain out of reach, and that’s just how it is.
However, there are many attainable upgrades waiting for you. I bet you have a collection of opportunities as well, just waiting for you to find the courage to voice them.
Settling is part of life, and that’s acceptable. But if you must settle, why not aim for more?
Adam Murauskas is a relationship coach and Medium top writer. He and his wife Rebecca left their careers in 2019 to help people heal. Take a free relationship quiz at FixYourPicker.com or find daily content on Instagram @fixyourpicker.
Explore techniques that can significantly enhance your life with insights from Mel Robbins.
Discover 12 daily habits that can transform your life, presented by Mel Robbins.