Rediscovering Happiness: Reflections on Loss and Joy
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Chapter 1: The Impact of Loss
Recently, I received the heartbreaking news of my step-sister's passing, which affected me more profoundly than I anticipated. It had been quite some time since I last saw her, and she lived a life vastly different from mine, far away across the country.
Reflecting on this, I understood that her death resonated deeply with me because she and my step-family symbolize something significant. When I was just 11 years old, I witnessed my step-father's death at a family gathering, a moment that remains etched in my memory. I cherished him greatly, and his expansive family was filled with warmth, joy, laughter, and an abundance of love. As I grew older, my own family, who are considerably older than me, drifted apart, lacking the unity my step-family offered even in my childhood. With them, there was nothing but happiness; differences were embraced and often celebrated.
The loss of my step-sister made me realize that I had been holding on to the hope of experiencing such a joyful family dynamic again.
Though I generally consider myself a happy individual by most measures (you can verify this through the links provided below), I am also candid about my feelings when I am not. I openly share my truths both in person and on social media, ensuring that emotions do not simmer beneath the surface. Fortunately, when I do feel down, those feelings usually don't linger for long.
Strangely enough, I sometimes feel a sense of guilt for acknowledging my happiness.
A Brief History of Happiness
This video explores the evolution of happiness, tracing its significance across cultures and eras, and how understanding it can transform our lives.
Emotions Are Fluid
It's important to recognize that emotions are not static; they ebb and flow. They are merely a component of our existence, not the entirety of who we are.
Even those who are perceived as the happiest can experience low moments. Dr. Ed Diener, a prominent figure in the study of happiness, revealed in a 2002 study that even the most content college students encountered challenging days. His insights, shared with the New York Times, highlight that emotional fluctuations are indicative of a functioning emotional system.
He noted, "Virtually none of them are at a 10, and nobody stays at a 10." Many individuals aspire to be happier than they currently are, creating unrealistic expectations of perpetual joy.
Dr. Diener dedicated his career to examining happiness and well-being, authoring around 250 papers on the subject. He identified five critical elements that contribute to happiness:
- Social Relationships: The importance of supportive connections.
- Temperament: A genetic influence on mood and emotional responses.
In a piece for the Association for Psychological Science, Ann Conkle elaborated on Diener's "set point theory," which posits that while people experience emotional highs and lows, they tend to revert to a baseline level of happiness over time. However, significant losses, such as job loss or bereavement, can hinder this adaptation process, leading to what Diener described as "a moving baseline."
While many psychologists tend to focus on human suffering, Dr. Diener aimed to quantify happiness. His research highlighted that while money can foster happiness, it only does so up to a certain threshold. He found that genetics, strong social bonds, and cultural context all significantly influence one's sense of well-being.
For me, financial uncertainty tends to lower my happiness.
Money and Happiness
Conkle notes, "Whoever said money can't buy happiness needs to examine the research." According to Diener, wealth correlates with happiness, especially in less affluent societies. However, there are nuances; the initial gains from rising out of poverty bring greater happiness than the incremental wealth of billionaires. Interestingly, an overemphasis on money can even detract from happiness. A study revealed that those who prioritized money over love often reported lower happiness levels and struggled to attain joy.
Furthermore, societal factors and the prevailing mood of a culture can significantly affect individual happiness. Currently, many in the United States feel disillusioned, which undoubtedly impacts collective well-being.
Cognitive Patterns and Perceptions
Lastly, Diener examined how our cognitive patterns play a role in our emotional responses. When faced with change, do we perceive it as a threat or an opportunity? When meeting someone new, do we see them as a potential friend or foe?
Conkle articulates three aspects of positive cognition identified by Diener:
- Attention: Recognizing beauty and positivity in life.
- Interpretation: Avoiding negative spins on situations.
- Memory: Cherishing positive experiences rather than dwelling on negative ones.
Eleanor Roosevelt famously stated, "Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct." Similarly, Aristotle suggested that happiness is largely within our own control.
I believe we can all take steps toward greater happiness together. Thank you for accompanying me on this journey.
The History of Happiness
This video delves into how happiness has been perceived throughout history, shedding light on its philosophical and psychological dimensions, and offers insights on how to cultivate it in our lives.
For further exploration, check these resources: