Chapter 1: The Weight of Unfulfilled Plans

For years, I've chronicled my experiences with my divorce, and I'm weary of revisiting that chapter of my life. Each morning for the past three years, I’ve approached my email with trepidation, dreading the possibility of a message from my lawyer or accountant. The same holds true for my daily trips to the mailbox; some days, I can't even muster the strength to go.

Just yesterday, the accountant left a voicemail, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to it or return the call. I suspect it's about my ex-husband and his demands regarding custody of our daughters—something he cannot rightfully claim, yet he persists. Engaging in that conversation feels beyond my capacity.

Every aspect of my life feels compromised. My home, my computer, even my phone are tainted by someone who is no longer a part of my life. In recent months, I've had to refinance my house, doubling my mortgage due to a court ruling. I find myself struggling to maintain this home while balancing my roles as a full-time student and part-time music school director, all while raising children and trying to maintain my sanity.

I lose my composure daily—numerous times, in fact. Yet, I do so quietly, away from public view, as it’s not others’ burden to bear.

In approximately 744 days, I’ll complete my studies. In just over two years, I hope to have a profession that enables me to be the (1) mother my kids need, (2) grandmother my future grandchildren will cherish, and (3) capable of self-care.

I've never experienced the privilege of solely taking care of myself. My life has always revolved around caring for others—from my siblings to roommates, and then marriage and motherhood. Now, as I approach 22 years since my first child was born, I reflect on the journey ahead.

In 744 days, my youngest daughter will graduate high school, while my second daughter will finish her degree at a local liberal arts college. If all goes well, I too will graduate with my MDiv.

Each day is a whirlwind that begins early around 5:30 AM. I wake up to write, read, check emails, and consume copious amounts of tea. After completing household chores and dropping my youngest at school, I’m thrust back into the chaos of daily life.

I juggle various responsibilities: planning holiday boxes for my distant son, scheduling vaccinations for my second child, managing passport complications, and ensuring therapy appointments for my other children. Amidst this, I also need to make time for my partner, whose presence in my life nourishes my spirit.

The cycle continues, with phone calls, paperwork, and the occasional workout squeezed in, alongside grocery runs and moments spent with friends. I yearn for peaceful walks by the creek and the tranquility of sunrises and sunsets—these are necessities for my well-being.

Yet, my homework lurks in the background, always waiting. The pressing needs of my children overshadow my studies, and while they require my attention, I know my academic success is essential. My kids support my educational journey, unlike their father, and they want me to thrive and be present in their lives as they grow.

I’m not in this alone; I have a wonderful support system. Still, many tasks depend solely on my initiative. Will I accomplish everything? If I don’t, I’ve learned that life will carry on. Another 60 days, 100 days, or 180 days—it all feels the same.

On days when everything feels overwhelming, I strive to maintain perspective. The sun rises, birds sing, and the fog lifts. I have class this afternoon—the one I enjoy most—and a work dinner tonight to support a local organization striving to uplift our struggling town.

Life continues. Homework will eventually be completed. I will wear a smile today, regardless of the underlying challenges. That mask I wear may only disguise my true feelings, but I hold onto hope that one day, my resilience will penetrate deeper within me, calming the chaos and affirming that this tumultuous journey was worthwhile.

In the video "When Plans Don't Go Your Way," we explore coping strategies for when life takes unexpected turns. It emphasizes resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges.

Chapter 2: Building Stronger Relationships

In the next segment, we delve into the foundational principles that foster healthy relationships, featuring insights from Michael Todd and Craig Groeschel.

The video "3 Principles to Help Your Relationships" outlines essential strategies for nurturing connections with others, emphasizing communication, trust, and mutual support.