Learning to Embrace My Solitude: A Journey of Self-Discovery
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Chapter 1: Understanding My Struggles with Solitude
For as long as I can remember, my happiness has hinged on the presence of others. Since the end of middle school, extended periods of solitude often lead me to feel despondent, unmotivated, and overly critical of myself. Initially, I accepted this as an unchangeable truth—that I could never find joy in being alone, that I relied on others for validation. However, I realize now that this wasn’t always the case.
Up until I was around 13, I was unapologetically myself. I would wake up early, energized, and plan my day, which often included arts and crafts, playing computer games, reading, writing, participating in sports, and engaging in various creative activities. I genuinely savored life, never experiencing boredom, and felt perfectly content in my own company.
So, what changed?
The turning point came when I began using social media and started comparing my life to others. This led to a paralyzing sense of inadequacy. I lost interest in activities that didn’t directly contribute to my academic goals, leaving me feeling as though life had little purpose. Now, as I approach my 22nd birthday, I've decided it's time to reclaim my joy and independence.
One of the first steps in this journey has been starting therapy, which I cannot recommend highly enough. My discomfort in being alone stems from not being a supportive friend to myself. However, with newfound insights into self-compassion (which you can explore in my article "The Secret to Loving Yourself"), I am committed to treating myself with kindness.
Now, I'm ready to embrace life fully. I want to visit museums and art galleries solo, pick up new hobbies beyond endlessly scrolling through social media, and stop waiting by my phone for someone to reach out to me. I’m determined to live my own life rather than play a supporting role in someone else's story.
Now, let’s delve into the actionable steps I’m taking to improve my relationship with solitude.
This video, "Knox – I'm So Good At Being Alone (Official Lyric Video)," captures the essence of finding joy in one's own company and the journey of self-discovery.
Section 1.1: Engaging in New Activities Alone
A primary goal for me is to engage in activities solely for my enjoyment, rather than doing things just because my friends are participating. For example, I recently enrolled in a pottery class that I thoroughly enjoyed, and I'm now signed up for a seven-week summer course. In the past, I hesitated to spend money on such experiences, but I've come to realize the importance of investing in my mental well-being. If engaging in creative activities can uplift my spirits, then it's worth the expense.
I encourage you to explore new activities that excite you—be it sports, arts, cooking, or writing. Consider joining a class. Remember how, as children, we engaged in a variety of activities? It's time we reinvest that spirit into adulthood. Embrace the discomfort of going solo; you might find others doing the same, and perhaps forge new connections.
The next video, "Codeko - Bad At Being Alone (Official Visualizer)," discusses the struggles many face with solitude and highlights the importance of self-acceptance.
Section 1.2: Exploring New Places Independently
I often dread the idea of venturing out alone, yet I consistently find it rewarding. Typically, when left to my own devices, I confine myself to my apartment, avoiding the outside world—something I ultimately dislike. However, when I push myself to visit a local coffee shop or an art museum, I often leave feeling inspired and productive.
The key to improving our comfort with solitude lies in stepping outside our homes and engaging in activities alone. It’s remarkable how much this simple action can transform our mindset.
Section 1.3: Affirming My Worth
It's easy to fall into self-criticism during moments of solitude. I remind myself that my friends and family care about me, regardless of my current state of aloneness. Solitude can be a powerful form of self-love, allowing me to live authentically and pursue my desires. Reflect on the times when your loved ones are alone; you don’t view them as strange or unloved—in fact, you might admire their independence.
Section 1.4: Observing Others in Solitude
It's a misconception that everyone around you is with friends and having a good time. When I venture out alone, I notice that many others are also enjoying their own company. This realization helps me feel less isolated.
Section 1.5: Rediscovering the Joy of Reading
Dedicating time to reading instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media has greatly benefited my mental well-being. It doesn’t need to be limited to self-help books; any genre you enjoy can provide a sense of connection and broaden your perspective.
Section 1.6: Embracing Freedom
Being alone offers a unique freedom. As an adult, I have the autonomy to make my own choices without needing anyone else's approval. There’s something liberating about deciding how to spend my time.
Section 1.7: Treating Myself Well
If indulging in a coffee, bubble tea, or ice cream enhances my enjoyment of solitude, I go for it. I’ve recently developed a fondness for bubble tea during my solo outings, and it brings me joy. If you're on a budget, treat yourself in other meaningful ways, like revisiting a favorite spot or enjoying a beloved TV show.
Section 1.8: Breaking Free from Mindless Scrolling
Sometimes, it’s necessary to set aside your phone. Endless scrolling can amplify feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Refrain from waiting for messages; remember that this is your life, and there's no need to measure yourself against others. Though it may be difficult to break the habit, reducing mindless scrolling has significantly improved my experiences of solitude.