Chapter 1: The Strength in Refusal

Saying no can be a radical act of self-preservation.

When I assertively respond with a “no,” I am not suggesting a possibility. I am not implying you should check back later or attempt to guilt-trip me into compliance. My “no” is unequivocal and final. I refuse to be exploited, drained, or manipulated; this is a powerful declaration of my autonomy. I have the right to decline, to disengage, and to say “no” when opportunities conflict with my core values and instincts.

I am fully aware of my identity and priorities. My happiness is no longer tethered to financial incentives; my mental well-being outweighs any transient accolades that come from sacrificing my need for rest and recovery.

While many people utter the word “no” daily, it often comes with justifications, evasions, or untruths. The true transformation occurs when “no” stands alone as a complete statement. I will not engage in activities that I do not wish to pursue. The desire to please is overrated, and the need for approval is contingent on conforming to others' expectations.

In one corporate meeting, I was praised for my "emotional consistency." At that moment, I felt validated, believing those words were a compliment. However, I have since realized that emotions are dynamic, akin to the ebb and flow of ocean waves. The moon does not present the same demeanor every day; she reveals herself as she chooses. No one demands that she maintain a constant smile.

The term “emotionally consistent” equates to being robotic. What the CEO truly communicated was, “Thank you for being a dependable automaton devoid of emotional variability that might hinder productivity.”

After stepping away from the corporate grind, I immersed myself in literature on mental health and came to a crucial realization: If I didn’t prioritize my well-being immediately, healing would forever remain at the bottom of my agenda. The outcome was anticlimactic—I essentially slept through 2018.

Resting initially felt unfulfilling because I believed I hadn't earned the right to rejuvenate. I assumed recovery was reserved for those who retired gracefully. The guilt was relentless; I felt immature and selfish for not conforming to the expectations of others—an emotionless professional adorned with awards and accolades.

Why is self-care often mistaken for selfishness? The two are vastly different. Selfishness is an all-consuming self-focus, while self-preservation is about reclaiming my energy after prioritizing everyone else. I say no to safeguard my existence. I had to cultivate the audacity to reserve some energy and oxygen for myself.

Section 1.1: Defining My Boundaries

Here are several commitments I now refuse, as I embrace a healthier lifestyle:

• Seeking permission to express my true self
• Engaging with individuals who gossip about others
• Sharing my physical space with those lacking authenticity or kindness
• Collaborating in environments led by subtly prejudiced or performative leaders
• Residing in spaces where I am merely tolerated rather than embraced, loved, and nurtured
• Downplaying my abilities to avoid upsetting those who label assertive women as “difficult”

Chapter 2: The Art of Saying No

In the video "Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction," the speaker explores how prioritizing personal needs is vital for well-being and self-preservation. They delve into strategies for establishing boundaries and the importance of radical self-care.

The video "How To Say No - Teal Swan" offers insightful guidance on the significance of saying no and how it can empower individuals to reclaim their time and energy, fostering healthier relationships and self-respect.